Tour Guide

Yesterday we met a very nice woman named Asya (or Asia, her preferred spelling) who took us to the Tretyakovskaya Gallery and actually led us on a tour through the museum, with the help of her guidebook, a prepared speech (!), and an electronic translator. Her English is excellent, but doesn’t include words like “washed out” or “peasant.” She also, by the way, answered my question about why people are always asking me for directions – no one who lives in Moscow actually knows how to get anywhere in Moscow, except within their own little area. Between the metro stop and the museum, which are maybe two blocks apart, she stopped passers-by to ask directions four times.


So you buy tickets for the Tretyakovskaya Gallery in the basement of the museum, which means that to get into the exhibits you climb this grand staircase in a huge marble hallway, full of beautiful chandeliers. You take an immediate right into Room 1 (they’re all numbered so you know where to go next, which is actually really useful). Room 1 is pistachio green, and completely packed, floor to ceiling, with portraits. They’re all hung from the ceiling, and there must have been three rows of pictures one on top of the other, maybe six or seven across per wall. The room is also completely full of people. Jam packed, like row upon row of identical, one-dimensional portraits are the highlight of the museum.


There were some communication breakdowns on our tour that not even the electronic translator could help with. This is less than surprising, given my and Danielle's laconic natures (ok, hers, and my modest Russian). So Asya wasn't aware, for the entire duration of the museum tour, that Danielle and I are in a Russian studies program. This meant that there was no way she could have known that Danielle is actually an expert on imperial Russian history. A sample exchange runs something like this -- Asya: “In this portrait, you see the fine detail of her clothing and more background than in some of the other paintings. This one is a portrait of Elizabeth, who as far as I know was Peter’s wife…” There’s a pause, while I take in the painting, Asya turns to walk away, and Danielle looks over at me. Then I think, Wait, that’s not right. I look over at Danielle, who’s just silently shaking her head at me. Between the two of them, I did okay; we saw a lot of famous paintings (including some from the Russian art project) and some beautiful ikons.


After the museum, we headed over the bridge to a park I don’t know the name of (Sara, help?). There’s a large sculpture at one end of the park, the subject of which is how adult vices affect children, to the tune of, we should protect children, who are our future. This is possibly the least controversial sculpture subject ever. At any rate, it depicts several personified vices in a semicircle around two golden children. Not really my style, but whatever, I’m interested. I’m more interested when Asya jumps the ropes, disregarding signs about not touching the sculpture, to translate each vice for us in turn (please note, they were already translated into English). The two older women behind us were all, “How shameful!” but I thought it was great.




P.S. Sabrina:

















Mumi!