Loko - MOTIV

See the locomotive back there?

Rossiiskiye zhelezny dorogi and I have not seen eye to eye since my overnight train back from St. Petersburg (oh I know, I know, the Russian railways are where you meet the most interesting people; well to you I say, yes, and also where you meet the most disgusting germs/bird diseases). But I set aside our disagreements to go see Lokomotiv (who's that?) take on Moscow's Dinamo, who are ranked 10th and 5th in Russia's Premier League, respectively.

Since this is my second Loko game, I'm going to go ahead an call myself a fan, although I'm not a fan of their colors -- red and green. They look like Christmas trees in their away uniforms. Anyway, because Dinamo is a better quality opponent than last time (that was Tom, whose record against Loko in the last four games or something is an astonishing 0-0-4, with a total goals scored of ZERO), tickets were more expensive. Thus for the same price which last time got us tickets at about Tomsk's six (see right)

we were only able to sit in the fanataky section, which are located behind the goals. (At those prices, they still only filled about 60% of the stadium.) The nice devushka at the kassa, however, helped me out, guiding me towards seats in the back corner of the section, away from the shirtless crazies.

So here's the view from our seats this time:

Q: But VB, why can't you see anything?

A: Well, in addition to the men who showed their fanhood/macho character by standing barechested and smoking the whole game, there were also flags and the smoke of fireworks set off at various times during the match.

Like when we scored! And about time too, because Loko dominated the whole first half. Although to be fair, we could hardly put any shots on frame. I think it was maybe the 70th minute before we got our goal, which was beautiful. Unfortunately, Dinamo answered just a few minutes later on some terrible defensive work by Loko.

But possibly even more entertaining than the game itself were the fans. First of all, when you arrive, you (being a 20 to 50-year-old Russian male) have to shake hands with everyone in the seats around you before you get serious and start flicking off the opponents. Then you have to get out a giant flag/your scarf and wave it around at the command of your section leader, who also starts the chants. It's all typical soccer behavior from then on out (booing at the refs, hugging everyone around you when your team scores, spilling red bull over the railing when you're ticked off, etc.).

I had been eager to learn some obscene football chants, but the only thing I could actually understand was in English and pretty stupid.

Because this was a crosstown game and there were so many opposing fans in the stadium, the militsia was on hand to empy the stands section by section. We were next to last, before the Dinamo fans.

The game was only marginally more entertaining than the last game, but since I come from a long tradition of solidly mediocre teams, I'm more than happy with this result.

Fourth of July!

Poor Daniel and Danielle. They had no idea what they were in for when they agreed to go to the American Chamber of Commerce's "Extravaganza" to celebrate the Fourth of July. To be fair, I didn't really know either. I thought we'd eat some barbecue (fail), hear some American music (fail), and see some fireworks (ehhh). None of us was prepared for the Russian perception of Americana, which included counterfeit Carebears, a mechanical bull, and tepees. But they did get some things right, including corn on the cob (well, not exactly right, but it was a start) and old cars. So let's begin:


1. The event was held in Kuskova Estate, which we had a hell of a time getting to (leading me to think that the proficiency exam for our master's should maybe be replaced with a practical -- locating places in Moscow). But it was well worth it. When we walked in, the first thing we saw was the lake on one side, with a forest beyond that. Beautiful, tranquil, green, etc:










On the other side was mayhem: small-sided football games, in Russian; troops of people on pogo sticks; inflatable playgrounds; women dressed clownishly who were throwing random things at passers-by; and so on. I didn't know where to start.












2. But just ahead, pulling us on like a beacon of Americanness, was the rodeo. Only "rodeo" is to be understood as "single mechanical bull, with cowboy hat." But because this is the U.S.-Russia festival, held at an estate which is "a grand symbol of Russia's rich history," the mechanical bull is set up across from an 18th century palace.







The estate is so large that most of it was actually empty and quiet. Look how pretty it is:




The main thoroughfare had all of the food tents, a large stage, a mock Statue of Liberty (Daniel's favorite), and retro cars. Here we are:










3. The vintage cars were actually kind of disappointing.


Except for this:


Look at that gorgeous car. The women inside are the car's owners, looking pretty slick with their 60s-ish fashion and skinny cigarettes.






I took maybe 20 pictures of this, so just indulge me:









I don't know what that guy is looking at. Also we won those scarves by (how to explain this?) decorating a dish of candy. It was exactly as weird as it sounds.




Finally, away it went, into the night.






A car like this deserves to have American music blaring in the background. Instead we got a lot of Russian rock, bad covers of the Rolling Stones and Red Hot Chili Peppers, and a speech by the American ambassador to Russia.



4. Although the whole evening was strange because of the hybrid of real Americans and Russian perceptions of how Americans celebrate the Fourth, this was perhaps the strangest moment: at a festival purporting to be for Independence Day, the ambassador wasn't talking to us.

The gist of his speech was that although July Fourth is a day to celebrate America's independence, it can be celebrated by Russians too. He said that the holiday recognizes the independence of all people in the world, especially people who love freedom. This was all delivered in Russian. Draw your own conclusions.




5. I've really been craving one food -- corn on the cob. And bless their hearts, the food vendors (who didn't have any pizza without meat, real barbeque, or beer under 100 r.) came through. Tell me this isn't all-American:


Ok, so the corn was lukewarm and came in a plastic bag. But I was delighted nonetheless.





6. The band B-2 (that's B-dva) was the musical highlight of the evening. I thought they were great. Here's Daniel and me with an enthusiastic fan.



I don't know what to say about the face I'm making. I'm not smirking, really. Danielle just caught me in a transition from "isn't this awesome/Russian/who is this crazy girl PINK??" to "playing it cool." Obviously I'm just not as good at the latter as Daniel is.





7. This one game (make five baskets and win) featured giant carebears as prizes.


a. I sank five and didn't win one, which was tremendously disappointing, although the Russians running the booth were impressed. Sexists.
b. The carebears are actually...fauxbears. Since when did their ranks include a pig and an elephant?





Another failure: we arrived too late for the mechanical bull. Here's us, really sad about it.

















8. The night concluded with the shortest fireworks display ever -- about 15 minutes. They were set off from across the pond, and we watched from the palace steps with disco music in the background.

Ready?








All things considered, Moscow: not bad.